Passing Out Samples: A Look at the Hookup Culture

How many times have you been given a sample in the mall food court and have actually gone to that restaurant to buy that same exact meal that you just tried? Probably never, so why should I treat my body like a sample on a toothpick allowing any and everybody to come by and taste, but never requiring that they actually buy the real thing.

 A couple months ago, I attended Theology on Tap, an event for young adults in the Catholic Church held at a bar each week, at first I was skeptical because I am not Catholic nor did I understand how a religious group was having an event at a bar. But who am I to judge? Anywho, the speaker shocked me with her topic, "The Exploration of the Hook Up Culture." So now we have Catholics united in a bar discussing hooking up, whoa! But here I am all ears because this has been a topic of conversation with many of my friends, since I am the single one.

The speaker began with the definition of  hookup, by using a reliable source, the urban dictionary. According to the definition, a hookup is a vague term that describes a casual interaction, including but not limited to making out, touching, oral sex, or sexual intercourse. She explained that our society has accepted sex as a casual event no longer valued like it used to be, which was meant to give pleasure to a man and his wife. She further explained why the hookup culture is so popular; it is primarily due to the influence of media in music with songs like Blurred Lines, with movies such as No Strings Attached or Friends with Benefits, with TV shows, like Scandal (even though I love that show) and with magazines and other printed materials, like Cosmopolitan, which blasts sex everywhere on its cover. Another reason that perpetuates the popularity of this culture is loneliness because many are searching for something to fill a void looking for love or just instant gratification.

This topic is so relevant I just told one of my friends that I wanted the next person that I have sex with to be the person that I will marry. I have shared this with many people and I have gotten many responses, including "That is a bold statement to make", "That's unrealistic", "You're in your 20s, so just have fun", and many more. I just don't understand how is it unrealistic for me to value my body or how fun has equated to sex. What ever happened to fun being going to a theme park riding on a roller-coaster or going swimming or traveling or hitting up the movies? Maybe, I'm out of touch, but I'm confused as to when the value of sex has become nothing more than an act that can be void of any emotion or connection.

Rather than allowing my body to be treated like a meaningless sample on a toothpick, I will patiently wait for someone to stand in line (show an interest in me), place an order (take me on a date), wait for the food to be ready (courting), and then pay for the meal (marriage). I was always taught that my body is a temple and my price is far above rubies, so I will continue to meditate on Proverbs 31:10 and wait for the right guy to make a conscious decision to pass by the free samples and actually approach the counter to place his order.

25 Things I want to do before my 25th birthday [8.20.14]

Birthdays always seem like any other day, I really don't make a fuss about it, because one day does not define my accomplishments for that year of life. So for this 25th year of life, I have decided to celebrate my birthday on more than one day, but rather on all of the days leading up to the "big day." I have decided to create a list of 25 things I want to do before my 25th birthday, if you want to help me accomplish any of these things, let me know.

25 Things I want to before my 25th birthday (8.20.14):

1. Learn how to ride a bike
2. Create a painting
3. Reunite with an old friend
4. Travel outside of the US
5. Make a piece of jewelry
6. Go paddleboating
7. Perform at a poetry/spoken word event
8. Do yoga in the park
9. Ride a ferris wheel
10. Join an intramural sport
11. Watch a movie outdoors
12. Run a race (5K +)
13. Learn how to sew (I'm talking about the basics like a button or a hem)
14. Try a new food/ cuisine
15. Attend a concert
16. Read 25 books
17. Sing karoake
18. Attend a dance class (ballet, modern, jazz, hip-hop)
19. Go hiking
20. Make a new friend
21. Visit 5 different bakeries on a search for the best red velvet cupcake
22. Learn Spanish at a conversational level
23. Attend a professional sporting event
24. Serve as a volunteer for at least 25 hours
25. Show love to all of those who helped me make it to this milestone in my life

Sssshhh!

Haven't blogged in a while? Overwhelmed by the family drama, financial constraints, restless nights of writing papers and reading countless articles, crying siblings, and the boo, I swear I have had no time to express the way I feel. Sometimes I believe that my thoughts and feelings are being devalued to satisfy another, often times I am  being told to be quiet or it's not my place to speak on that particular subject. Feeling shunned, overheard, and ignored, I tend to shut down because I feel that others don't want to hear the high tones of this girl! I'm not an expressive person only because I have been behind a wall of sound proof glass begging for someone to hear my thoughts. Just because I'm not the loudest nor the most combative individual, I still believe that I should be heard. Laying my head down on my pillow feels as if my mind picks up a pen and begins to write the chapter of my life that was silenced earlier that day. Maybe this is why I enjoy the quiet of my studio apartment rather than the constant shuffling when around others. My thoughts continue to swirl through my mind, but I'm unsure of how to express, maybe I'll continue to write them down hopefully someone will read them and care!

Coloring Outside of the Lines

Black and white has always been an issue always ignoring the other colors in the spectrum, too blind to see anything except the shades of gray in between. Separated by the color of our skin for so long causes us to become numb to the fact that although slavery has been abolished, minorities have been given rights, and segregation in public places are "illegal", we still uphold all of these laws in an indirect manner. I once spoke to a girl that attended Bethune-Cookman University, a HBCU in Daytona Beach, FL, and she informed me of the outright acts of racism that she faced every day as a student in a predominantly white elderly community from enduring mouthed "I hate you's" at the stoplight to not being admitted into certain bars due to "White's Only" sign that was raised above the door frame. We all thought that these occurrences were in the past after we started sharing water fountains across color lines and the integration of schools, but we failed to realize that this innate hatred of colors outside of the lines still haunts our lives today. Now, I'm not trying to preach on the mountaintop about the need for racism to end our country because that would be a slow, but progressive action; I'd rather address the issue in my own community, my fellow blacks that have forged color lines within our own race.

Looking in the mirror, I see the reflection of a black girl, not a red bone, high-yellow, light bright, too light to be black, "you gotta be mixed somewhere down the line" female staring back at me. Why must I be described like that, why can't I just be black? I never really understood where my skin tone placed me in the "black color wheel" because I tanned in the summer looking like a "brown skinned black", but became fairer in the winter like a "light skinned black". Confused by the complexities of skin tones, I just want to claim black no reason to distinguish the hue of my skin just know that it is pigmented. 

Conversing with one of my friends about the future of his love life left me perplexed as one of the requirements of his "perfect woman" was solely on skin color. He began the conversation by saying, "I would never date a dark skin girl." Curious about his reasoning, I asked, "Why not?" His response was. " I'm not attracted to them. I would have sex with her, just not have a real relationship with her." Again, I asked, "Why not?" He said, "Because I don't want my kids to be dark." Crushed by this response as a "light skinned black girl", I concluded that his response was nothing more than shallow, could he really base his love life off of skin tone? Maybe, I'm old-fashioned, but I thought relationships should be based on attraction, personality, shared interests, and common goals, not skin tone. Granted, I love my black brothers and probably would never date outside of my race, but I would never not date a black man because he is too dark or too light rather give him a chance for who he is in the inside. No matter the hue of his skin, his inner beauty outshines any tint or tone of his skin -- I would love the darkest man from the villages of Africa to the lightest ones from the Northeast, either way I would not advocate for the promotion of division amongst my people.

Sorting Laundry

Having "guy talk" with my friends, I have come to the conclusion that females will pass by that diamond in the rough because he doesn't have all of the criteria that are on her laundry list. We always complain that chivalry is dead, but we only say that because the guys we are currently talking or have talked to don't respect us enough to walk us to door, open the car door, give up his seat on the bus, or sincerely care  if we have made it home safely. Today on the bus, this boy was willing to give up his seat to a girl, but she chuckled and declined his offer and gave the excuse that if she sat down she would fall asleep. It's this feminist attitude that has caused over 50% of women to be successful and single.

With the radio stations constantly playing songs like Boosie's I.N.D.E.P.E.D.E.N.T., Jamie Foxx's She Got Her Own, Pussycat Dolls I Don't Need A Man, and Destiny's Child Independent Women, we as females are constantly "empowered" to be independent because we don't need anyone else, especially not a man in our life. Although we blast these lyrics on our Ipod, we still have a sense of emptiness that can only be filled by a man. Even with this void, we still have a laundry list with unobtainable requirements that only Jesus can possess.

Be aware that there is a difference between standards and holding on to every aspect of the laundry list that has mostly shallow criterion. Look on VH1's hit show What Chilli Wants, we will have to have ten seasons just for her to find what she wants. I understand the list of wants (laundry list) can be extremely long, but it's time to sort through the laundry to know what you need (standards). So, ladies you may not date that 6'3" 200 lbs. football physique kind of guy, but you may have to give that intellectual guy from your Chemistry class a try because his charm and respect is amazing.

Storm You Can't Last

I refuse to let this storm come through my life trying to separate me from the dry land that I once lived on. Even with strong winds, a powerful voice, and a dislike for my existence, I will continue to tell this storm to move away and stop trying to destroy my happiness because it will not succeed. Bitterness and unhappiness have fueled its storm to continue to spew in the air, as it sits back and enjoys the division that is currently taking place. One day, the sun will be bright in the sky as the clouds move apart from hiding it. Negativity will be absent from my life and I will be able to have my life back, but until that day I will continue to sing I Told The Storm.

I Told The Storm Lyrics

I Told the Storm

Even though your winds blow

I want you to know

You cause no alarm

Cause I'm safe in his arms

Even though your rain falls

I can still make this call;

Let there be peace

Now I can say go away

I command you to move today

Because faith I have a new day

The sun will shine - I will be okay

That's what I told the storm!

I told the storm to pass

Storm you can't last

Go away - I command you to move today

Storm - when God speaks;

Storm - you've got to cease

That's what I told storm!

Winds stop blowing!

Floods stop flowing!

Lightning stop flashing!

Breakers stop dashing!

Darkness go away!

Clouds move away!

That's what I told the storm!

Death can't shake me!

My job can't make me!

Bills can't break me!

Disease can't take me!

Enemies can't drown me!

Cause my Gods surrounds me!

That's what I told the storm!

In Memory of You...

R.I.P. Papoose

I never met you, but I know that I loved you for the time you spent in my mother's womb. The joy that I heard from her voice when she spoke of the strong heartbeat that she heard during the ultrasound. We were blessed to know of your presence for the last two months, but the Lord has decided to bring you back to sit amongst the angels in heaven. You will never be forgotten and always be a member of our family. We love you so much and one day, we will meet face-to-face in the heavenly place, but as far now I just wanted to say that "I love you so much and thanks for teaching us about the impact of life!"